Talk to the walls,
Humans have stopped listening.
Get a puppy to love
Instead of an x-box stuck boyfriend/husband.
Cuddle a huge teddy bear
He won’t go snowboarding with another woman.
Ask your furnitures how their day was
They won’t mock at your worries and life problems.
It is difficult to settle down for anything less than I deserve now. I am 31. Single. Broke.
My biological need of a warm little body beside me is so strong that I look at 6 month old kids and tear up thinking… I might never have one!
At the same time.. I talk to guys on as Indian matrimony sites (yes, you get grooms and brides!) So that I can get married and have a baby (not that you cannot have a baby without marrying or without a man.. but since I was heading towards a marriage earlier this year, I still haven’t stopped thinking like that) and think.. I might never have a husband!
No, it’s not because I compare these guys with my ex. I am over that stage. He is an ex for a reason. I have gone back and forth in time and have re-lived the past and the pain. And I understood why I did what I did. Why he did what he did. For sure, I want to give a fare chance to a new man.
I just feel that I have never loved myself this way before. And no man is at par with that. I don’t want to settle down for people who do not give me the emotional support that I want from them.
It is also at these times that I realize that had I been in love with myself before, I wouldn’t have chosen to be with a person who dumped me on my birthday once.
I laugh now looking back at my foolishness. But at the time.. I remember feeling helpless. And that feeling of helplessness stemmed out from insecurity about my previous job, my skin color, my age, my past failures, and the fear of future.
Thank God I have learnt to empathize with myself. I need it a lot.
And so, when I see these guys are either trying too hard or not trying at all.. I don’t feel like dipping my feet into something that’d make me go back to being insecure and unhappy.
Yes, I want to have a baby. A baby with a proper family so that I can give the baby a proper childhood, education etc. But why can’t I build a life with people who’d encourage and enrich my life?
Am I ready to wait? Yes. Does biology wait? No.
officeboredomblog 