This is the final blog post here on officeboredomblog. My chapter of darkness and negativity has come to an end. Not because I have found what I am looking for. But I am ready to let this go.
I have hated. I have harbored negative emotions. I have struggled. I have cried. I have been miserable. And this blogging platform gave me the freedom to vent anonymously and talk about things that I would not otherwise.
This blog also helped me land a job that I am currently in. I have never ever looked back. I am doing good and have many opportunities knocking on my door. I am immensely thankful for that.
I started Officeboredomblog when I was in a crappy office that had zero work ethic or work culture and a crappier pay back in 2015. I used to feel so out of place, frustrated, and bored in office that one afternoon I opened Officeboredomblog to have something useful to do.
Writing my heart out helped me calm down and de-stress. To be able to do that without being scared of what people would say is a true bliss.
I have written unfiltered posts about my breakup and dark thoughts. I do not regret it. But it let me learn many important lessons. Especially, about myself.
Over the past year, I might not have changed much but there is a change in me for sure.
I am finally in the phase of Acceptance. My broken family, my broken soul, and my broken heart.
With acceptance, forgiveness came easily.
I have forgiven my ex for how things ended and the long list of wrongdoings. He had his limitations and he acted as any human would. My heart still aches but it does not get fogged by anger or resentment.
I have partially forgiven my parents for starting a family on the wrong note. I have forgiven my dad for being absent and being a “lady’s man”. And, my mother for not letting father bond with us, instilling trust issues, baseless fears of losing, being over-controlling, and not helping me when I first showed signs of depression when I was in 7th grade.
They both too had their limitations. Circumstances and situations were also not on their side. Or… on our side.
I am forgiving myself one day at a time. I have done many things I shouldn’t have. I have said harsh things to my mother to the point that she broke down in tears. I have been rude, inattentive, and ungrateful to my friends. I have been an utterly nightmarish girlfriend – possessive, controlling, insecure, slandering, apathetic, and zero trust.
I have accepted that I cannot do anything about my broken family or my rough early life. But what I make of my life from now on is in my hands.
Don’t get me wrong, I am no magician. The issues I have are serious. It is going to take years of conscious practice to break that colored glass through which I see the world. But at least I will try. I won’t give up on myself.
I too deserve the best of this one life I have. With or without a human companion.
On that note, I would like to say thank you for taking the time to read my post(s). Thank you Opal Flame for being a pen friend (it’s been a while).
Thank you my dear blog. It’s time to let go, move forward, start the next chapter of my life, and allow healing.
Yours,
Officeboredomblog
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