Thinking about the last time we met.
You left in such a hurry.
The cab driver took a wrong turn, which made you late for the flight. You were quite mad at him and you started giving him directions in your deep voice that became deeper since you were angry. Finally, when we reached you rushed towards the gate and I don’t quite remember if we hugged. I looked at you but did not see you reflect back. So I let go of you. And smiled, my heart pounding, eyes slowly welling up. And then, you turned away and started walking. I stood there thinking..
Maybe this is the last time
Or maybe I will receive you here again
Hey! Turn back, smile and wave
What’s the rush?
Don’t you miss me already?
And then you disappeared. I stood there a little longer trying to catch a glimpse of you. But I couldn’t see you anymore so I walked towards the bus station and took a bus. My heart felt empty. I felt angry and a little disappointed.
Why wouldn’t you want to spend some more time with me?
4 out of 365 days is good enough for you?
Not for me
Not for me.
A major red flag. That day was probably the day when I truly felt sad, unloved, and trivial. We were so many time zones apart and you should have taken me to a trip or stayed with me for a few more days. That would have meant a lot. But the queen of your heart commanded you to come back home and you had to obey the command. That day I got a glimpse of my future, but I did not want to see it then.
I don’t know what I feel now
Love or hate or both
But that was indeed the last time I ever saw you
Wish you had taken your leave more amicably
A hug, a quick peck, turn back, smile and wave
Because nothing is certain.
Look where we are now.
Time zones apart
Living different lives
And probably I want it to stay that way
Because if I am not the queen of your heart
I don’t want anything.
My head hurts. The alcohol, it was too much.
My room smells of the cigarette I like but I hate it. Still I do it.
It’s been raining here and I don’t really like the way the roads become during the rains. It’s romantic for those in love.
How have you been darling? How’s the weather?
Is it raining in California?
Did you take the trip you wanted to?
Do I come and go in your dreams?
Or have you made your peace?
The guys I meet are nice.
Good dinner and a few drinks, sometimes we bond over a song long forgotten.
It’s such a high…
But as the dawn breaks
All I see is your face.
This world of no attachment is beyond my comprehension but that’s the trend.
At least that’s what I hear.
It’s the opposite of what I want
But it’s true, who can guarantee the future?
I am here with my dreams thrown in the trash.
But I am OK. I am trying my best.
I am sure it must be tough for you too.
I hope you are fine darling. I hope you find someone you can stand up for.
Take her to trips that we planned.
Give her the love that you are capable of.
After all, love is so fleeting.
I’ll see you in my dreams
When time comes, I will bid my final goodbye.
I will make my peace.
I walk the same roads. Go to the same food joints. Pass time in the same malls.
Where we once met or had a meal or two. Laughing, talking, looking at each other. Your skin, a little dry but no scars, full lips that you would press together as you checked your email or our next hangout destination.
Your hair, salt and pepper. Perfect eye brows. Our hands fit like gloves. Our feet took same steps. Sometimes me running behind you to catch the movie right from the beginning.
Walk tall, talk deep. My starry eyes gazing at you. Your fingers, when you hold the phone.
The time when I first saw you laugh. Your teeth, you know how I have a thing for teeth. And I was bowled over.
That table there, we sat there last time. Our favourite table. But today when I walked in alone, I couldn’t look at it. Tried hard not to look there. Sure I did.
Another ‘me and you’ sitting and having their meal, talking and laughing.
I wish them luck. At least, this time.
Nothing ever felt so hollow
No sunrise, no sunset
Felt so meaningless
Before you left
They laugh, secretly
Happy because they were right
Nothing like proving me wrong
Just like the beautiful words
That was never meant to be a song
All I can remember is the last time
I saw you
Fading into the crowd
Who knew, you were never coming back
Is this really the last goodbye?
Like a desperate bird in the cage
Flapping my wings, agitated,
Confused…what got me here?
And once again
You are fading into the light
Where everything is clear and bright
To where I don’t have an entry pass
You don’t turn around
You just walk in.
I am afraid of the Next Time.
Next time, I will be not me.
Next Time, I won’t give my heart.
Next Time, I won’t say a word.
Next Time, you will never get to know Me.
Next Time, I will set my priorities right.
Next Time, I will be materialistic.
Next Time, only Gold and Diamonds will bring a smile.
Next Time, I won’t look up to you.
Next Time, I won’t be hurt.
Next Time, I will put on a facade.
Next Time, you will not know what’s going on.
Next Time, my dreams will be my dreams.
Next Time, I will go wherever you want me to be.
Next Time, I will take my past seriously.
Next Time, I will be loyal, only to me.
I am afraid of Next Time.
How I might turn out to be.
Next time, I will not disturb your peace,
If we ever bump into each other, in this life time.