I was 15 when I wanted to be a fashion designer. But my nom did not believe in me. Even though she had plenty of reasons to. I knit Barbie bikini tops and skirts. Made an elegant boat neck kurta out of her old chunni. I was good.
At 31.. I want to be a cinematographer. Don’t know about mom but my friends don’t believe in me. Friends believing in me matters because my family doesn’t. But my friends don’t understand it either. They think it’s a whim. More reasonably, they think that if I am planning to get married, then I am probably looking for a financial support.
What friends are they if they don’t know yet that I am looking for emotional support more than financial support. I am searching for that one person I can trust and fall back on with my eyes closed. I am searching for the one who knows me in and out and yet loves me for the way I am.
But at 31, the world doesn’t work like when I was 11 or 21. There’s more pollution and dust in our heart than we know. Or acknowledge.
We have become so practical that there’s only calculated romance. I count finances and measure social status at real time to decide our likes and preferences. Are we really friends if we had to be so cautious?
Certainly not. We have known each other for 10 years. But I dont know if you are my friend if you think my ambition is a whim.
Of course, it’s a different story if you think you will be happier with someone else. I want you to be happy.
But please don’t imply that my ambition is a whim. I have struggled to voice my wishes as a kid. I still have difficulty and insecurities about my abilities. Which stems our from lack of validation and appreciation. It’s okay if you are incapable of putting up with my ambition. Men always don’t have to be “men”.
I am going to make it big. Married or not. I just want you to know that I like you. My friend. I like you like I never thought I would. But your doubt about my abilities makes it a little difficult to see a future together.
I am heartbroken. But I am sure everything happens for a reason. And I wish you find the best of a person as a mate.
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