Nothing ever felt so hollow
No sunrise, no sunset
Felt so meaningless
Before you left
They laugh, secretly
Happy because they were right
Nothing like proving me wrong
Just like the beautiful words
That was never meant to be a song
All I can remember is the last time
I saw you
Fading into the crowd
Who knew, you were never coming back
Is this really the last goodbye?
Like a desperate bird in the cage
Flapping my wings, agitated,
Confused…what got me here?
And once again
You are fading into the light
Where everything is clear and bright
To where I don’t have an entry pass
You don’t turn around
You just walk in.
My bed on a side, a study table to my right
A mahogany book shelf, in it accolades, my pride
A series of black and white head-shots, how I changed
And a dressing table, a cupboard full of teenage make-up mind
Stickers everywhere, the painter in me on every wall
Crafts and designed handkerchief, tucked in a special box
Scented erasers, barbie’s dresses
Hidden personal diary, latest album cassettes
My den, my recovery room, decorated haphazard
But it was mine
No picture, no painting
No folly of my mind on these walls
What can you take away if I don’t give you anything?
I walked the serpentine lane alone. I walked slower than usual. The trees and the buildings passed by, guys of all sort checked me out top to bottom as I walked past them, few cars lazily drove by but all I could hear was one voice.
Is it not true that we come in this world alone and we die alone? Then why are we so dependent on each other? Why do we need our parents, why do we need that one special person to spend the rest of our life? Why is love so important for me?
If you love someone, set him/her free. If he/she comes back, he/she is your true love. If not, it was never meant to happen. My father told me once.
Is it really about loving someone and setting someone else free? Or is it about setting yourself free? Free from not being wanted, free from not being loved, free from not being accepted, free from being a negative influence, free from being haunted by memories, free from expecting one phone call, free from secrets, free from apologies, free from confiding in each other, free from future plans, free from trying to be perfect… free from me.
Every time I make up my mind to take the road less taken, I stop and see one path full of roses and thorns and the other quiet, calm, smooth but very lonely.
If I take the road less taken, I will set the caged bird free.
How much is too much? Who set the boundary? No one. You are free. You can do as you may please. So can I. Would you judge me then? Yes it’s true, you are nothing like me. I can love like I will lose you. I can destroy like nothing could ever be built again. That’s why I love. This second, I don’t take it for granted.
Memories I made many, I have washed away many. Its a natural process that our brain does. It relieves us from any extra unnecessary information. I have sent down that path, many. Many, who created chaos in my head, who pained my heart. I forget. I walk ahead. That’s why I keep asking about the time that was spotless. To see if there is still hope.
But you call me one morning, wake me up from my forgotten dream and give me a reality check. Yes, you can do as you please. When time comes, so can I.
I am dead scared of mathematics. I have been scared of it since I was in 3rd grade. Fortunately, when I was in 8th grade Mr. Srivastava took math class and he was the only one who knew how to teach students who were scared of math. He was the only one who never raised voice to scold the students, instead he smiled and explained again, more clearly and patiently. He was almost 70 years old but fit and still working. I guess more than 30 years of teaching students made him understand student’s psychology.
He had a soft corner for me. He told my mum once, in a parent-teacher’s meeting that I look like his granddaughter. He praised me for my determination to do well and for being sincere.
Last I saw him was when I went to his house to take his blessings before leaving home for studying in a prestigious University,1700 miles down south. How time flies!
All these years I have been studying Molecular biology and had been in no touch with mathematics. At least not much. Now that I have to take my career to a different level, I have to crack an exam which tests basic math skills. I took a mock test to find out where my skill level was and the result was dreadful. My confidence level dropped to negative 10.
But things have changed. I don’t have school exam, I have a boss who drives me nuts. I have colleagues who talk about office politics, secret affairs and daily soaps. This situation is more scary than mathematics! 😀
So, I got up one day, took time to understand “mixtures and solutions” lesson, saw some real good videos on YouTube and I took a mock test. Solved correctly 3 out of 4 hard level problems and that too in half the time of other student’s average time. Now it has become fun. Actually there are a lot of good people who have shared online the tricks for solving complex-looking-simple-math-problems in half the time. My heartfelt thanks to them.
Everyday in office I sulk and think about when I will go back and start studying 🙂 The more I practice the better I am becoming and I am loving this feeling. The more I go to office the more determined I am becoming to get a very good score.
Lastly I would like to add, thank you for reading my posts. If you need any help with GMAT/GRE or if you wish to help me out in my near future goal, please comment or e-mail me (see contact).
I am happy to share a happy post with you all after a long long time. Stay blessed.
I am afraid of the Next Time.
Next time, I will be not me.
Next Time, I won’t give my heart.
Next Time, I won’t say a word.
Next Time, you will never get to know Me.
Next Time, I will set my priorities right.
Next Time, I will be materialistic.
Next Time, only Gold and Diamonds will bring a smile.
Next Time, I won’t look up to you.
Next Time, I won’t be hurt.
Next Time, I will put on a facade.
Next Time, you will not know what’s going on.
Next Time, my dreams will be my dreams.
Next Time, I will go wherever you want me to be.
Next Time, I will take my past seriously.
Next Time, I will be loyal, only to me.
I am afraid of Next Time.
How I might turn out to be.
Next time, I will not disturb your peace,
If we ever bump into each other, in this life time.