Presence

Who are we? Who am I?

Am I just the girl who works 9 hours a day, looks good, eats and sleeps? The ordinary girl? Yes very much I am.

I was just thinking about how vulnerable and fragile I feel sometimes. I am not confident and feel that in this life time, it will not be possible for me to rise up again. Love, ya, love is what I search more than success or money. So, here is where I am going wrong, you would say that to me. You would give me examples or women who made it to the top because they knew that no man can make them successful. They knew/know that the only key to happiness and success is to concentrate on themselves. All that I know. I also know how to take care of myself. I know how to have fun and be fearless.

Is searching for love or to be in love a crime? Or is expecting to be loved back a crime? How can you not expect to be loved back? Why do mothers love their children unconditionally? Why don’t I ever feel like my mom doesn’t love me enough? I know that she does and there can be no question about it.

Needy, greedy, nerdy, “sad-y”, “bad-y” whatever whatever…you may call my type of women. I am paralyzed, mindless and thoughtless when I am needy. Expecting “too much” maybe. But for me, no. I am shouting, screaming on top of my voice, “hear me, look at me” Look at me before its too late.

Love me before I feel I am not loved anymore. Before I start thinking of an exit door.

Now, there’s a question in your head. Why don’t you go have fun and be fearless if yo know how to be that. What would fun mean if you were not there? Just the presence of you will do. In a room full of people, you may stand at the distant corner and talk to a few friends, occasionally look at me and then go back to the conversation with your friends. That will be good enough for me.

 

 

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